Free left;left free?

I have been driving two-wheelers for over 10 years now (yes, the height remained that same since then, and yes, I can reach the ground while driving). When I started driving, I was all excited. I thought I was the youngest girl to hit the road and I often came to the conclusion that people stare at me in awe. Little did I know about the attitude of drivers in the city. Most of my peers and their parents kept asking me if I wasn’t scared of the roads. I used to wonder why I should be. I learned why the hard way.

I drive in the city that has been branded as having the worst traffic ever, in all of Asia. Every non-Hyderabadi comments on the rash driving of the auto-wallahs and every Hyderabadi swears at him(He/she swears while driving, in general). You know you can’t cut across and take that right. It’s a one-way. You do it anyway, much to the agony of the “followers”. I’m driving in the centre of the road, there’s a public transport vehicle in front of me, that’s moving painfully slowly. And he NEVER keeps left. So, I’m overtaking from left. Where did you come from suddenly? And you also want to overtake the bus. Ok, I slow down to let you go, why do you slow down and parallely go with me? We both cant overtake the bus at the same time. The jackass might suddenly swerve left (Bus stops in Hyd absolutely don’t have shelters, you won’t have the slightest of clues as to where the stop is). I’m slowing down to let you go, why the hell do you also want to let me go at the same time? Are you really THAT chivalrous?

When I’m driving on a road full of speed-breakers, I’m always accompanied by you, the “kewl dyude” who has to maintain the same speed as me. I brake, you brake. I raise, you also raise to the same speed. I stop for the stupid bus to move, you don’t have to stop, no bus is hindering you, but you still do! In case your friend’s pillion-riding, your conversations are like this^#:

You: “Rei, aame natho poti petdundi ra!” (Hey, she’s trying to compete with me!”)*

He: “Rei, avunu ra. Chalo aameki chupisdam mana bike gurinchi” (Hey, yes re! Come on lets show her about our bike.)

You speed up, then there’s a speed-breaker, you slow down and obviously, so do I.

You: “Rei, too much competition istundi ra pori! Lite teesko, tanathone drive cheddam” (Hey, this lass is giving too much competition. Lets not bother, lets drive alongside her.)

Him: “Avunu ra. Hahaha!” (Yes re. Ha Ha Ha)

So, I just listen to it, have a good laugh and carry on.

I drive on roads that are not laid, just formed by themselves, on ditches and manholes. My ride is punctuated by 148 brakes, although it’s just a 500 m. stretch. (I’m not making these statistics up). And every 5 metres, there’s a street-light(namesake), full of wires illegally tapped/broken and loose/used for monkeys to climb. Free left is my fundamental unbound right. I put indicator, despite that you apparate out of nowhere and plonk yourself in front of me. I honk and my mother yells ,”Hey! Don’t annoy that driver by the horn! Obviously he will get irritated. If I were in his position, I’d be irritated too!” K I argue that he shouldn’t have blocked my left and mum and I have a row!

You’re crossing my side of the road, I’m not driving in the wrong direction. Obviously you should look this side and see if there’re any vehicles. You, like a genius, see if vehicles are coming on the other side of the road and cross! Of course I will hit you and of course you will fall down. I know that from here, from 10 metres away. Ok*screech*| *”UNCLE!”*| *you dramatically turn and realize the blunder* |*BAM!* | you fall, I fall, vehicle falls. What do you do? Get up, dust yourself and walk away, oblivious to the recent happenings! You don’t even help me! Nor do you apologize! How human are you?^#

I’m driving coolly,on the left side of the road. You swish past me in that eye-sore yellow bike and stop right in front of me! You are blocking my way, OK. I draw your attention with the blaring horn. You absolutely don’t move! Wait, what do I see? Are those ear-phones? WHAT?? You plug your ears to listen to music/talk on the phone while driving?? WTF?!

Despite so much, I love driving. If you can drive in Hyderabad, I swear you can drive ANYWHERE in the world!

*Rough translation

^#True story

Back To School

"Do you know what the time is? Wake up and get ready fast!", yelled my aunt at my 12 year old niece. It was the beginning of class 8 for her. She slowly tossed on the bed, grumbling about the end of summer vacation, which included early rising. The minute I told her she can wear her new uniform and use fresh books, there was this sudden enthusiasm in her, and she jumped out of her bed. As she sprinted across, I saw the excitement with which she got ready for first day of school, absolutely not complaining about the weight of her bag, her amply oiled and plaited hair clearly not troubling her. She started throwing random instructions to people around, to bring her tie,school-belt, tie up the laces of her shoes, search for her i-Pod and earphones, scream out loud for not remembering to charge it the previous night and not forgetting to take her cell-phone. She instructed my aunt not to give her lunch, she was going to catch up with her friends at the school canteen. After a lot of hurrying, tying and untying ribbons, dumping her bag and throwing unwanted things out, yelling at her little brother for standing in the way and making sure her hair is in place by looking into the mirror several times, she finally bade us bye and left for school.

Looking at her, I was reminded of my school days, how my excitement reached the brink while getting ready for first day of school. It always included neatly pressed uniform, freshly covered notebooks and textbooks, a new bag almost every year, bright white socks and shiny black shoes. Not one thing would go wrong. Lunch was always pre-planned. I used to call up each one of my friends the previous day and we'd decide what each of us would bring for lunch. It was always a together affair. Back then, cell phones were a rarity. Only school principals, bank managers, bigheads of famous institutions and the like owned one. i-Pods,or mp3s actually, were a sign of having rich cousins who live abroad. The idea of going to school after three months was always very delighting. The thrill of a new class, a new time-table, new pens and books had no parallel. Having an Arts class, or the PT hour was on a Monday was envied upon. The moment we learned that our math teacher was Fun Ms. Lekha, our joy knew no bounds. The anticipation of a new hour, a new day and a brand new year would always kick in before the day of reopening and remain for a whole week. The momentum of the initial excitement would be pushed further after the announcement of the first holiday of the year. Slowly it'd be time for the assignments(that had to run into 20 pages,special marks for neat handwriting) followed by the mid-term tests and then the Quarterlies, Half-yearlies and then the pre-boards and finally,the boards. But those came with perks like Dussera vacation, Christmas vacation and Pongal leave. All our assignments had to be hand-written. Computer classes once every week would ensure 100% attendance on that day. Then there were cultural programmes for the school day, sports festival and the Science exhibition, one in each term. The entire school would participate in it. Every other week, there was an announcement about Essay writing competitions held by leading newspapers, painting,singing,dance competitions, you name it.

Suddenly, a loud noise broke my train of thoughts. My little nephew had started to cry and my aunt was busy with her chores. A brilliant idea struck me. I walked up to him and said, "If i tell you how interesting going to school is, will you stop crying?". A small smile appeared on his face, atleast there was no more noise!
It is never too late to reminisce about the old school days.

A leaf outta my book

You know its's gonna be a hot day the minute you wake up all sweaty and sticky. You wanna strip down to bare essentials and lie down, but thats when you realise you are not alone in the room, your roomie's fast asleep. And then you make up your mind to get your ass outta the bed and do some useful work. Every morning's resolution and every evening's joke :)

Anyway, just as you finish brushing your teeth and think you wanna have a nice cup of Tea, power cut! And you hear groans from the whole corridor, rumours about the power not coming back until 12(sometimes true!) Switch on the laptop, no wi-fi, no internet. So, next resolution, watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S for sometime and then do something useful. Switch on the laptop, play random episodes, laugh your heart out,after sometime "Your laptop has only 10% charge remaining. Connect to a source or save all your work and shut down the system!"

Next thing, got class in twenty minutes! Get ready asap, quickly bathe(or not :|) and walk all the way till the other end of the college, text ppl in class/hostel/other all the time, and on the way back to the hostel, pray that the power is back...

Get to the hostel, have lunch, oh hey power's back! Think to yourself, its too hot to study/do something useful. So you decide you'll get some sleep and THEN do something useful. So you sleep till Tea-time or wake up,charge your laptop and again watch something (cant help :P). Tea time, get some snacks and a hot beverage =D

An hour later, you go to your warden,show her your face and let her know that you havent moved your ass outta the freaking campus and then, sit and have a good chat with the other girls.

By the time you say bye bye, its dinner time! and then, you go out into the lawn with your friend and walk for a long long time,telling her about all the useless things of the day and crib about yourself.

Get back to the room once the dogs are let out to guard your hostel, decide what dress you're gonna wear tomorrow and then fall asleep...

Wake up next day with fresh a new resolution and then, power cut :)