I have been driving two-wheelers for over 10 years now (yes, the height remained that same since then, and yes, I can reach the ground while driving). When I started driving, I was all excited. I thought I was the youngest girl to hit the road and I often came to the conclusion that people stare at me in awe. Little did I know about the attitude of drivers in the city. Most of my peers and their parents kept asking me if I wasn’t scared of the roads. I used to wonder why I should be. I learned why the hard way.
I drive in the city that has been branded as having the worst traffic ever, in all of Asia. Every non-Hyderabadi comments on the rash driving of the auto-wallahs and every Hyderabadi swears at him(He/she swears while driving, in general). You know you can’t cut across and take that right. It’s a one-way. You do it anyway, much to the agony of the “followers”. I’m driving in the centre of the road, there’s a public transport vehicle in front of me, that’s moving painfully slowly. And he NEVER keeps left. So, I’m overtaking from left. Where did you come from suddenly? And you also want to overtake the bus. Ok, I slow down to let you go, why do you slow down and parallely go with me? We both cant overtake the bus at the same time. The jackass might suddenly swerve left (Bus stops in Hyd absolutely don’t have shelters, you won’t have the slightest of clues as to where the stop is). I’m slowing down to let you go, why the hell do you also want to let me go at the same time? Are you really THAT chivalrous?
When I’m driving on a road full of speed-breakers, I’m always accompanied by you, the “kewl dyude” who has to maintain the same speed as me. I brake, you brake. I raise, you also raise to the same speed. I stop for the stupid bus to move, you don’t have to stop, no bus is hindering you, but you still do! In case your friend’s pillion-riding, your conversations are like this#:
You: “Rei, aame natho poti petdundi ra!” (Hey, she’s trying to compete with me!”)*
He: “Rei, avunu ra. Chalo aameki chupisdam mana bike gurinchi” (Hey, yes re! Come on lets show her about our bike.)
You speed up, then there’s a speed-breaker, you slow down and obviously, so do I.
You: “Rei, too much competition istundi ra pori! Lite teesko, tanathone drive cheddam” (Hey, this lass is giving too much competition. Lets not bother, lets drive alongside her.)
Him: “Avunu ra. Hahaha!” (Yes re. Ha Ha Ha)
So, I just listen to it, have a good laugh and carry on.
I drive on roads that are not laid, just formed by themselves, on ditches and manholes. My ride is punctuated by 148 brakes, although it’s just a 500 m. stretch. (I’m not making these statistics up). And every 5 metres, there’s a street-light(namesake), full of wires illegally tapped/broken and loose/used for monkeys to climb. Free left is my fundamental unbound right. I put indicator, despite that you apparate out of nowhere and plonk yourself in front of me. I honk and my mother yells ,”Hey! Don’t annoy that driver by the horn! Obviously he will get irritated. If I were in his position, I’d be irritated too!” K I argue that he shouldn’t have blocked my left and mum and I have a row!
You’re crossing my side of the road, I’m not driving in the wrong direction. Obviously you should look this side and see if there’re any vehicles. You, like a genius, see if vehicles are coming on the other side of the road and cross! Of course I will hit you and of course you will fall down. I know that from here, from 10 metres away. Ok*screech*| *”UNCLE!”*| *you dramatically turn and realize the blunder* |*BAM!* | you fall, I fall, vehicle falls. What do you do? Get up, dust yourself and walk away, oblivious to the recent happenings! You don’t even help me! Nor do you apologize! How human are you?#
I’m driving coolly,on the left side of the road. You swish past me in that eye-sore yellow bike and stop right in front of me! You are blocking my way, OK. I draw your attention with the blaring horn. You absolutely don’t move! Wait, what do I see? Are those ear-phones? WHAT?? You plug your ears to listen to music/talk on the phone while driving?? WTF?!
Despite so much, I love driving. If you can drive in Hyderabad, I swear you can drive ANYWHERE in the world!
*Rough translation
#True story
